Last weekend was my 40th birthday, and while most people have lots of friends and family mage a big to-do about it, mine was not. I’m-mostly-ok with that 6.5 days out of 7. I went to Chicago, by myself, and stayed in an Airbnb-which I’ve done before…only instead of having an entire place to myself I stayed in a house with other guests. It wasn’t a bad experience. The house was big and beautiful, easy to find and I didn’t $90 for the entire weekend. I went to the Studebaker Theater and watched Nigel Poor and Earlonne Woods from Ear Hustle-one of my FAVORITE podcasts-and got to do a meet and greet. I totally fangirled and totally did not talk about what I planned on taking about, but rather something that was “old news”. Demmit! But they have me happy birthday wishes and told me to enjoy my time and not feel guilty because everyone needs that time.
Saturday was my actual birthday and what I had PLANNED on doing VS what ACTUALLY happened came down to the fucking weather. It was gloomy and cold and windy. BUT! I forced myself to do 2 things: I went to Wrigley Field for my Daddy-plus the fact the Cubs win the 2016 World Series on my birthday made it even more bittersweet. And I went to Gino’s East, which is the TINY pizza place by Wrigley and OMG it was fucking worth the money.
BTW-Chicago is expensive! Like I spent more for parking than I did for gas there and back. Lesson learned.
Sunday I woke “early” considering DST ended so time “fell back’, but I was already an hour behind Indy time so my internal clock was all fucked up. I was out the door by 8 am and MADE myself do one of the many things I wanted to do in Chicago: visit the locations from one of my favorite book series based there. The Dresden Files is set in modern day Chicago, and it told from the POV of Harry Dresden, Chicago’s only known practicing wizard. I can’t wait for the next book to come out! In the Facebook group I’m in, sunshine posted a map with pin drops and locations of places from the series. I visited 15 of the 28 listed, and just realized I could have gotten 2 more of I had looked at the map closer on Sunday, and I could have seen the other 9 when I was downtown Friday. But now that means I can really plan a better trip up there, knowing how much more expensive everything is there. 15 out of 28 isn’t bad. I spent almost 10 hours in the truck just going from location to location, hopping out to take pictures, then getting back behind the wheel.
Things I wish I had done:
1) More research on the cost of EVERYTHING there
2) Had sometime to share in my fandom and geek out with, and discuss what was going on in the book(s) at each location
3) Not let the weather control my mood Saturday
4) Some of my Daddy’s ashes to sprinkle at Wrigley Field
It’s my first birthday without him and it fucking sucked. He was the one who was supposed to make fun of my turning 40 and then tell me it doesn’t get better until right before you retire. And honestly, seeing Wrigley was kind of anti-climactic without him.
I got a handful of birthday wishes on Facebook, a couple text messages and phone calls. I started a fundraiser for the Indiana Donor Network in honor of my Dad, and I guess since it’s not animals or some research it’s not getting alot of hits, and it’s disappointing and disheartening. So if anyone wants, you can donate via my FB (Shannon Rae) and the money goes volunteering and helping donor families, and supporting events thought3 the year all over the state of Indiana. And you don’t have to donate to my state. Look up you local donor network and see how you can donate monetarily or by becoming a volunteer. Organ donation is selfless.
Another nail in the coffin is that I am officially single and it fucking sucks. I don’t hate him not am I angry. I understand, and I want him to be able to grow and be happy, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt any less. 2019 officially sucks a big bag of dicks and I’m ready for the roaring 20s.
And there’s nothing like coming back to work and not having a voice…especially in an environment where loud talking and telling are daily ways of communicating. Only rudementary sign language at best helps me with my coworkers.
At least in 2 weeks my girlfriends Ashley & Amber are doing a surprise for me. Those 2 bitches…if it hadn’t have been for them these last 7 months, I would have would up in the hospital, or worse. Those 2 have been angels with horns holding up their halos.
Each day is a TINY but less awful than the last, and I think it has to do with my new therapist and working on the DBT therapy to address ALL OF THE TRAUMA in my life. I have homework each week, so that deadline had me becoming now self aware again. Life still sucks, and the sucky parts come in waves…but at least they are manageable.
Love you Daddy ❤️
The 7th inning stretch with Harry Caray was my favorite part when Dad would watch the Cubs when I was a little girl. I still remember the sounds of Harry’s voice when he’d commentate ⚾