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So, I haven’t posted lately because my computer is completely fucked. The kids started randomly clicking when they were on it and SOME HOW I have 3 Tojan Horse viruses and a SHIT TON of malware, so I am SOOOOOO not a happy mommy.  So, my daughter got a kindle fire for her birthday-shes 8, and she never asks for big things.  So, I am using that to post-better than using my iPhone.

My life ended up in complete chaos July 4th holiday weekend.  The entire 3 months came crashing down on me, I’m talking I woke up and cried so hard I almost threw up.  I cried for 2 hours, and it felt like there was a HUGE hole in my chest about the size of a football, the edges raw and bleeding.  So, I googled local psychiatric facities in my area, and made an appointment for the 3rd. I went and they wanted to stick me in for a mandatory 5 day stay.  Yeah, THAT’S not gonna happen, I have kids and no one to really watch them. So, I chose Intensive Out Patient therapy.  What a Fucking joke and a waste of my Fucking time!  2 weeks I did that and I was  bumped up to Partial Hospitalization Patient therapy.  That was such a life saver!  The downside-my insurance said I was too high functioning to stay.  HOW THE FUCK CAN I BE TOO HIGH FUNCTIONING?!  I shower once a week, barely eat, haven’t slept well since at LEAST April, and can barely take care of my kids!  I just LOVE how some asshat behind a computer in another Fucking state can dictate my mental health recovery.  Needless to say I got even more depressed after that. 

But I think my saving grace was my new best friend in Alaska.  If it weren’t for her, I really don’t think I would have made it to where I am at this moment.  She has been giving me the “No theater everything is gonna be ok” speeches.  We talk EVERY DAY on KIK.

Well, things have gotten progressively worse with DB.  He still blames me for the demise for our relationship.  He takes absolutely NO responsibility for any part of the wrong doing.  That’s fine.  Don’t complain when you really hate me for doing what I need to do for my kids.  Oh, and apparently he went and picked up a friend and her 2 kids maybe a half hour from the house, took them back to our side of town to play at the park, out to eat, THEN back to the house we shared as a family. Then loaded em all back up into the truck to take her and her kids back home.  Oh HELL FUCKING NO.  I knew something was off, because my kids werent their usual fighting mad selves when they return.  So I FINALLY got Day to talk to me, and I’ll be God damned if she didn’t throw up because she was so upset over the issue.  So I did what EVERY mommy bear/alpha female would do to protect her young.  I called his ass out on it, and of COURSE he tried to downplay the issue, but he offered to come talk to Day about it.  So he did, and I politely pulled him outside and informed him there will be boundaries about people being around the kids, ESPECIALLY in the house WE shared as a family.  And that mother fucker accused me-ME!-of controlling his life!  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!  So I told him, when it comes to MY KIDS, you’re Damn right i’ll control your life-cuz I sure a Fucking HELL won’t have MY KIDS come back to me so upset they’re physically ill.  I don’t know who the fuck he thinks he’s messing with, but this mama bear/alpha female wolf has her claws out to defend her young.  Play with fire, you’re gonna get burnt.

So things with Texas turned out to be a  BIG FAT FUCKING LIE! That is all on that subject.

So I contacted another friend from my game maybe 3 weeks ago, and it’s been nice to just chat without all the bullshit.  I’m thinking of saving up some money for spring break and taking a REAL vacation with my kids this year.  They’ve never had one, and it’s high time we ALL had some time to relax!  I’m thinking Florida, but NOT Disneyworld lol! 

Hope you all have lovely day lovies. 

P.S. I am in a much better place than I was about 2 months ago, but far from where I want to be 🙂

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