Confusion, Daily Journal, Dealing, Dreams, Florida, Free Writing, Friends, Friendship, Grateful, Gratefulness, Gratitude, Healing, Honesty, Hope, Journal, Life, Living, Love, Reality, Relationships, Thankful, Thanks, Turth, Understanding
Ever since my weekend with Florida, my dreams have changed. And not in subtle ways. I have water in my dreams. Some find this normal. The water in my dreams was always muddy brown. It was always on the verge of bursting its boundaries-a muddy pond on the verge of spilling over the edge into the street, or a muddy ditch with fast flowing water. It was always out of reach, but I knew the water was cold-like cold lake water in the middle of July. I could never find any definitive definition for the dark brown water in dream “dictionaries”, so I wasn’t really able to understand WHY it was there.
Then this summer I had one of the most terrifying dreams in my life. I dreamt there was a flash flood-the muddy brown water came rushing down the street and swept my car up and pinned it against a guard rail. I couldn’t get out. I climbed to the back and tried to bust out the windows. My car filled with water and started to sink nose first, the back-end bobbing out like the Titanic. The water filled my car, but it wasn’t cold, it was warm, like bath water. It came up and up and up, and I took a breath, closed my eyes, and the water engulfed me, taking me down to the darkness. I also dreamt that night that DB weaseled his way back into my life, using his superior manipulation skills to trick me into thinking he had changed and that I needed him. Needless to say I woke with a jolt and texted BBF ASAP! She was as freaked as I was, but she was able to make more sense of it. That pretty much the person I was died then, and that I don’t have to compete with or worry about her anymore. God I’m so thankful for her.
So, when I dream-which isn’t very often anymore that I can remember-the water in my dreams is clear and warm. It doesn’t make me feel scared or out of control. I feel, refreshed, cleansed, ready and accepting of what’s to come. And it’s been since the weekend I spent with Florida. That first night together my water dreams changed. The water was clear and warm and I felt like a kid when I played in the water from the hose. I still remember my aunt being there, my grandparents were alive, and we walked around a house that was somewhat familiar to me. I felt peaceful and HAPPY. Since I’ve come back, the water dreams continue. but there are somethings that are out o f place. Like I was in the kitchen of our first house my parents had has a little girl, it was night and there was a thunderstorm, and it was so GREEN outside when the lightning flashed. Last night’s dream was, just…WEIRD. I was with Florida and I THINK BBF and her man. Florida and I were holding hands and loving on each-other and we were HAPPY and PEACEFUL-I can still feel that feeling of completeness 7 hours later-and it rained. We were all in the ran laughing and having a good time, walking through the addition. I saw my ex’s mom and asked how she was and what her last name was now-she had been married, I THINK 8 times by the time I had ended things. I was nice about it, but it still wasn’t very nice in general. I remember looking down the road and seeing what looked like a “tidal wave” coming down the street. Think of the wave of water that chases down Ron and Hermione in The Deathly Hallows Part 2. That’s what it looked like. It wasn’t sinister, and I knew it was just coming to cleanse things. Here it came, we all held hands and waited as it washed over us, and we all laughed HUGE belly laughs and hugged and high-fived and kissed-well, I kissed Florida and BBF kissed her man. No lines were crossed-and we walked off into the sunset towards whatever awaited at the end of where we are going.
It’s just so WEIRD, that all my life I had these cold, muddy brown water dreams, and a little over two months ago they all changed! It’s warm, clear, refreshing and cleansing water now. I play in the rain, i wade out into the ocean, I spray my loved ones with the hose. And it’s another thing I have to thank Florida for. Because he really has had that kind of impact on me. That he has changed my perception of so much in such a short time.