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I’m gonna SPAM your feeds-because it’s been one of those damn days.  There’s chaos in my head because there’s so much shit in here right now.  So, I’m really sorry in advance.

Chad REALLY put me through the wringer today.  We did the usual exercises today, but he added a 2 pound weighted ball the size of a grapefruit…FUCK ME!  TOOOO MUCH CHAD!  From about 11 am until now, I’ve been miserable with pain.  I even had to ask my mom for a pain pill.  I’m out and I don’t see the ortho doc for another week.  I might have to call and get something.  I had to use my sling today I was so miserable.  Lots of ice-stir fry and mexican mix veggies-advil and coddling haven’t helped.

OMG May is snoring.  I am so fucking happy dad is letting May stay here with us-and by us I mean me.  My entire demeanor has changed and my parents can see it.  No yelling or irritation or anger.  No anxiety or restlessness.  I’m calmer and happier.  I love my dog.  She got a bath Tuesday and she smells sooooo much better and feels so soft and silky.  I love my dog. ❤

Mom and I ventured out today to go and try to find NSLM a dresser.  We found two that just might work-sturdy, made in America, solid wood with dovetail woodwork.  Still pricey if you ask me, but it’s REALLY sturdy.  And I have a 13-year-old son that can be just like me…might be worth the investment.  We still need to discuss it.

BBF text me today and sent me a picture of all the kids together, and I said I’ve never gotten a pic of all of them at the same time.  I felt “thought of” and it made me warm and fuzzy.  I miss talking to my BBF.

DB came and got the kids and we are really trying to be civil after last weekend.  He had lunch with Monkey yesterday and he said he was excited to eat with her at school.  “It’s not about the money.  It’s about spending TIME with them.”  I HOPE AND PRAY I finally got through his selfish head about that.

Still can’t figure out what’s up with Vivi…hope it’s something minor and not some HUGE EXPENSIVE thing that needs to be fixed.

I’ve been wearing my jewelry DB got me…I’ve felt so alone I just wanted to feel not alone.  I need to get my Gramma’s mother’s ring fixed and wear it.  I’m thinking of selling the things DB got me.  I need the money, and I really don’t like the reminders from them.

I took 2 links out of my new watch all by myself-with a little help from YouTube.  I had very busy and productive hands yesterday.  I’m still on the high of my accomplishments.  These don’t happen very often and I’m gonna ride them as long as I fucking can.

I’m listening to my “Hunger Games” playlist.  I’m trying to get out of the “Florida Vortex” a good friend said keeps sucking me back in.  I love you dear friend.  You know who you are ❤

I started my video diary to send to Florida…at least this is the idea..it could change tomorrow.  More on this later.

I feel like I’m hypomanic from the 40 mgs of the Latuda.  I’m okay with that-I’m so productive.  I’m a little pissy that I can’t go at it 100% because of my gooberred (sp) up shoulder.

I emailed the woman handling my work comp case, and she was shocked to hear I haven’t worked since my injury the 29 of March.  So she handed my case over to a “Lost Wages” adjuster.  I talked to her and I told her what I was told when I tried EVERYTHING to be able to come into work and not lose my hours.  She didn’t sound too thrilled about what they told me and that they said I was able to work in a different department.  I haven’t been back in the building since April 2.  I hope and pray that I can get some kind of wages to take care of the bills I hate paying.

I’m sleeping with the windows open tonight because it’s beautiful here this evening.  It’s going to be beautiful here tomorrow as well.  Old Friend is coming to meet with the insurance adjuster for my parents and the house.  Maybe I’ll get lucky and we can hang for a while.  One can hope.

I’m developing allergies at the ripe old age of 35.  I had to take my contacts out because my eyes were itching so bad this morning.  I took a benadryl at 7:00 am along with my other meds…then took my meds AGAIN four hours later.  Total space cadet today.  I’m good on all but 2 meds tonight.  I was kinda loopy today from the meds and the pain.  Not a good combo.

I actually get to sleep in my bed somewhat more comfortably tonight.  Small victory to be celebrated!

Oh lord this is chaos and random…such is the world of this BPer.

*Not So Little Man