I’ve been quiet the past couple of days in my blogging, but not in my comments to the bloggers I follow.  Wednesday I was just in a down and funky mood.  I must thank the clown porn for getting it out and up and going.  You know who you are 💖:).

After that, I felt good.  I was emailing my friend, commenting on posts and replies..I would say I was lurking, but that entails not commenting and we all know that just doesn’t happen from me.  But I still didn’t feel….I still felt like the cloud of despair was hanging around.  So I did another entry into my video diary.  I don’t think I’ll ever post these on the internet…these are really emotional and VERY raw places when I record them.  I’m just trying to heal, and I’m trying anything and everything I can to NOT go down into the rabbit hole.  If I do, there’s a VERY good chance I won’t come out for awhile, and I can’t do that to my kids.  Anyway…video diary…this entry was kind of all over the map and is about 20 minutes long, and it didn’t even scratch the surface of what I was feeling…but I had to let it out, let it go.  And I think I did. I THINK I left it all there in digital bytes on my phone to be transferred to my desktop.   I don’t know….

I dreamt I flew to Florida again.  I flew in to Tampa, with my mom, and our old neighbor from my childhood was there.  She was telling us about her heart-I remember her saying something about a pacemaker (?) and surgery..I just remember looking around and trying to usher my mom out because the airport closed at 6. (Wtf?!? Why would an airport close at 6 pm??) And I saw those metal gates they roll down for stores for safety and I freaked out…I remember saying “I keep missing everything by moments!” Whateverthefuck THAT’S supposed to mean.  [I finished The Following so that doesn’t help, nor does the extreme amount of pain I had been in for 2 days] So, Wednesday night-after my shitty day I took some pain meds and an anti-nausea pill, and apparently my regular med combo, mixed with these other 2 makes me quite entertaining.  Let’s just say, I got a case of the munchies and they were satisfied with chips with chili cheese.  They were Fucking DELICIOUS!!!! And I was in bed by 930.

Thursday after I dropped Monkey off, I came home and accidentally fell asleep.  It was a short nap.  The auto shop called about Vivi-she was finished early!  Mom took me down to pick her up, I took her for a test drive, and she runs better than when I first got her!  AND I PAID FOR THE REPAIRS MYSELF!!  (Treats herself too an isporkacorn.)  I also fixed my mother’s ring that cracked 2 months ago and got it resized, AND I got Luca’s for dinner.  If you’ve never had pepperoni bread sticks, YOU ARE MISSING OUT!!  I enjoyed a little bit of a t-bone steak, and I got to see Cute Neighbor Guy!  I took him labels for the community garage sale next weekend.  SCORE ONE FOR SASS!

I wrote this using Monkey’s kindle, the letter “Fuckoff” and the phrase “You’re the perfect pastry”.  My brain is at normal function, but my hands and limbs are not.  Damn…

Until tomorrow!