I’ve been quiet the past couple of days in my blogging, but not in my comments to the bloggers I follow. Wednesday I was just in a down and funky mood. I must thank the clown porn for getting it out and up and going. You know who you are 💖:).
After that, I felt good. I was emailing my friend, commenting on posts and replies..I would say I was lurking, but that entails not commenting and we all know that just doesn’t happen from me. But I still didn’t feel….I still felt like the cloud of despair was hanging around. So I did another entry into my video diary. I don’t think I’ll ever post these on the internet…these are really emotional and VERY raw places when I record them. I’m just trying to heal, and I’m trying anything and everything I can to NOT go down into the rabbit hole. If I do, there’s a VERY good chance I won’t come out for awhile, and I can’t do that to my kids. Anyway…video diary…this entry was kind of all over the map and is about 20 minutes long, and it didn’t even scratch the surface of what I was feeling…but I had to let it out, let it go. And I think I did. I THINK I left it all there in digital bytes on my phone to be transferred to my desktop. I don’t know….
I dreamt I flew to Florida again. I flew in to Tampa, with my mom, and our old neighbor from my childhood was there. She was telling us about her heart-I remember her saying something about a pacemaker (?) and surgery..I just remember looking around and trying to usher my mom out because the airport closed at 6. (Wtf?!? Why would an airport close at 6 pm??) And I saw those metal gates they roll down for stores for safety and I freaked out…I remember saying “I keep missing everything by moments!” Whateverthefuck THAT’S supposed to mean. [I finished The Following so that doesn’t help, nor does the extreme amount of pain I had been in for 2 days] So, Wednesday night-after my shitty day I took some pain meds and an anti-nausea pill, and apparently my regular med combo, mixed with these other 2 makes me quite entertaining. Let’s just say, I got a case of the munchies and they were satisfied with chips with chili cheese. They were Fucking DELICIOUS!!!! And I was in bed by 930.
Thursday after I dropped Monkey off, I came home and accidentally fell asleep. It was a short nap. The auto shop called about Vivi-she was finished early! Mom took me down to pick her up, I took her for a test drive, and she runs better than when I first got her! AND I PAID FOR THE REPAIRS MYSELF!! (Treats herself too an isporkacorn.) I also fixed my mother’s ring that cracked 2 months ago and got it resized, AND I got Luca’s for dinner. If you’ve never had pepperoni bread sticks, YOU ARE MISSING OUT!! I enjoyed a little bit of a t-bone steak, and I got to see Cute Neighbor Guy! I took him labels for the community garage sale next weekend. SCORE ONE FOR SASS!
I wrote this using Monkey’s kindle, the letter “Fuckoff” and the phrase “You’re the perfect pastry”. My brain is at normal function, but my hands and limbs are not. Damn…