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I’ve been listening to this on repeat.  For over an hour.  It’s one of those days.  I’m not happy, and I’m definitely not depressed.  I guess the best word to describe my mood is bummed.  I have no idea why.  Ok, that’s a lie.  I do know why.  Gawd, I’m getting to the point where I don’t like to talk about this, but I HAVE to get it out.

It’s Florida.

He’s been hanging on the outskirts of my periphery lately.  I can feel him out there.  He’s not doing anything.  He’s just…well, he’s just THERE.  Lemme explain.

I’ve become more sensitive to things since last July.  It was like my intuition/gut/spiritual self awoke from a deep slumber.  And it did so around the time Texas stopped communicating with me.  I never got an explanation, so I went looking for one.  I never found it, but my gut was telling me something wasn’t right.  So I listened for the first time in years.  She was right.  Don’t ask, but she was.

Enter Florida, and all that THAT encompasses.  ANYWHOOO…..You all know about the connection we have.  Well, lately he’s been in my dreams.  Just talking in whispers, making me feel safe, really.  I feel him with me, mostly at night.  He holds me, or he stands guard.  It’s like he’s protecting me from some invisible onslaught.  It’s possible.  Some people are more open to attack while they sleep.  I don’t expect anyone to believe me.  This is my belief and my feeling.  Florida is my Knight, standing watch to protect me from harm.  I’m just REALLY confused as to why he would be doing this NOW.  We haven’t spoken in almost three months.  What changed on his end?  UGH THIS IS SOOOOOO FRUSTRATING!!!  And the only reason I’m talking about this is because last night before I fell asleep I FELT the protective energies surround me like a warm blankie.  It was so noticeable that I text BBF and I was like WTF?!  She sends some to me every night, because that’s how she is.  She’s my Best Friend, and we look out for each other.  I told her to text me when she gets up because I need to bounce stuff off of her.  She’s my best support right now.

Anyway, that’s why I’m bummed, because I keep thinking of Florida.  My best friend, the love of my life, my other true half.  And I can’t figure out why he’s trying to protect me.  Unless he knows something I don’t-which is possible.  The on/off is a devious little c-word.  She will do anything to make sure that she has him under her complete control, including hurting me in some or any way.  Sigh…this is mentally exhausting.

Anyway…the song.  Now I’m listening to “Human” on repeat.  It’s oddly reassuring.  The song is my way to tell Florida everything.

I will never give up on you
I see the real you
Even if you don’t I do
I do
I will never give up on you
I see the real you
Even if you don’t I do
I do

And I’ll Show you the road to follow
I’ll keep you safe till tomorrow
I’ll pull you away from sorrow
I see the real you
Even if you don’t I do

If you’re the one, to run, to run;
I’ll be the one, the one, you run to!
If you’re the one, to run, to run;
I’ll be the one, the one, you run to!

I will never give up on you
I see the real you
Even if you don’t I do
I do
I will never give up on you
I see the real you
Even if you don’t I do
I do

And it seems like I’ve known you forever
I’ll keep you safe for one more night
Need you to know that it’s all right
I see the real you
Even if you don’t I do
I do

If you’re the one, to run, to run;
I’ll be the one, the one, you run to!
You’re not the only lonely one
I see the real you
Even if you don’t I do
(I do, I do, I do)

Because when he still doubts himself through everything, I never did, I never will.

I’m just bummed.

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