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I had a nightmare. 

The kind where you wake in a blind panic that’s vomit inducing, heart pounding in your throat, head hurts from trying to make sense of it all.  

I was alone.

He left me last night to fend of the demons of my head. 

I’m scared…..sooooo scared.

I’m too scared to reach out to him.  I’m wrapped around myself, protecting my head from the demons.  I’m small and vulnerable and weak…anyone and/or anything can get me now.  I shake from the fear.

The fear is like when Katniss sees the roses after the bombing in District 13.  Snow is always watching her, and she realizes the Snow knows her weakness.  That’s how I feel.  I feel like these outside forces know my weakness-my love and my dependence of Him to keep me safe at night from the Demons.

Is that why he’s been with me, been protecting me?  Protecting me from my own Demons?

I’m so panicked I had to take my entire Truleptal dose-1200mgs that i space out.  I’m afraid to drive, afraid what I may think of or what may try to get me while I take the kids to school….I’m scared.  So very, very scared.  

I’m alone.  I don’t want to be one.