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I remember I dreamt last night-at least when I was sleeping.  I slept horribly last night.  I was awake every 2 hours..finally slept from about 2-6 then back asleep from 7-930.  Ugh I’m gonna be tired and an uber bitch tomorrow.

So yeah, when I did sleep, I dreamt, and they were VIVID.  And by vivid I mean in their color schemes.  One was like a videogame, but not pixellated.  Just in the way everything moved.  Every movement was inverted-like I was controlling my movements on a PS controller.  If I looked up I moved the joystick down.  If I looked down I moved the joystick up.  Like I said, inverted movements.  The biggest thing I remember if that it was very shadowed and the movements were very slow.  Like moving in super slow motion.  There were monsters in this dream-them ran on four legs and their feet were actually hands balled into fists.  There were sharp fang-like teeth in their mouths, little red beady eyes that everything before it happened.  We were getting shot at from all directions, but I didn’t FEEL the shots.  The hits showed up as a violent purple hazy halo around me.  I ran for cover to my little bubble recovery unit.  I somehow managed to detach it from my apartment base and made my way to the hospital where friends I knew worked.  My dog was with me and I kept asking where we could go, all the other safe zone weren’t letting animals in-even though I was military personnel and had immunity from this restriction.  I took off down corridors crashing into walls to avoid people.  The monsters had breached the walls and we had to fight them off.

Dream morph.  I dreamt that DB was getting married again.  It was some poor unsuspecting young child-naive more than anything.  I ran around buildings until I found the “church” they were at.  This place was performing mass nuptials.  As I approached the front doors and I was running through the shrubbery I came upon a dead bush.  When I brushed it with my fingertips it caught fire, and leaves began to form.  The leaves were red and gold, the fire golden and light, no heat coming from it.  I went around the bush and brushed different past lighting it aflame, watched for a few moments before I ran inside.  I remember I watched myself head into the church but the focus was the burning bush coming back to life, full of fire and hope and fight.  I ran through the church building screaming for DB.  It was like walking through molasses, my movement slowed but not stopped.  I jumped over half walls and busted through doors.  The colors were muted in this one.  People laughed and then scattered when they saw me.  I sound him hiding in an office with the “pastor” who looked more like a shady lawyer.  The girl piped up “We’re married now.  You can’t have him.  He’s taking care of his responsibilities,”  I remember laughing maniacally at this, tears coming from my eyes.  I remember her dress and her hair-a golden halo upon her head, her dress white tulle with red accents, white gloves on her arms, and handful of red and white roses.  “He’s never taken care of his responsibilities.  He is so far behind on his child support.  And did you know we’ve never divorced?  Yes, you dear dear child, your marriage isn’t even valid.  Go play with your dolls.”  She runs from the office in humility.  DB is cowering at my feet trying to hide under the desk, the shady lawyer sweating bullets and pushing his glasses up his little nose.  I remember DB has hair-OMG he bought HAIR REPLACEMENTS BUT CAN’T TAKE CARE OF HIS KIDS?!  I lost it then.  I didn’t beat him or kick him.  I stood above him, called him a coward and weak to think of his own selfish wants before his kids needs.  That he doesn’t deserve the worship MY kids give him.  That MY children don’t need him.  THe he will never find anyone to take care of him the way I did, even at my weakest moments when he drug me through that hell.  I never raised my voice.  I said it all quietly, menacingly, with conviction.  I looked and shady lawyer and told him if I ever see him in this state again, he’ll regret the day he chose to deal with this low-life.  DB never raised his head to look at me.

I woke up, heart pounding, fear colliding with resignation to take control of my life.  Anxiety kicking in pulling me into panic.  I closed my eyes and talked to Florida and fell back into an uneasy sleep.  I don’t remember the last dream, I just remember it ebbed and flowed, changing like water coming in and out in the beach.  There were cool beachy colors in it, greys and soft dull blues, dull whites..

I need a nap already.

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