um..I’m in the danger zone.  I’m not suicidal, but I could really care less if I stay here in my life. I can see myself in a hospital zombied outta my mind so I don’t have to think anymore.  I’m barely maintaining right now..and the worst part is all the people around me done see it-because they’re all so self absorbed that there’s no longer a point to reach out for help here.  On my safety plan I done have anyone-what’s the point?  It’s not like they’d know wtf to do anyway. I’m glad I have php tomorrow, but I’m not because I think they may want me to go inpatient and that’s not gonna do a thing other than set me off worse and get my drugged outta my gourd…I’m talking to an old hs friend but it’s not helping or hindering..I think I’ll just continue to cry until I fall asleep. Don’t worry, I have no plan in place for suicide. That takes too much mental effort right now and as empty as I feel I wouldn’t escape even then.  I just need to keep rising this wave and hope to discuss with the therapist tomorrow..how knows..

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