, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I have been trying for over 2 hours to get caught up on all y’alls blogs, and I’m sorry to say, Saint Happenin.  I have absolutely NO concentration.  Everything I read I can’t really retain and it’s like water through a sieve.  FUcking sucks.  I’ve taken my Klonopin and my Trileptal..I still feel empty and the void is still there, never changing.  I DID “condense” the important blog posts for my chart at partial for my therapist and HOPEFULLY my doc to read-I think it’s all SUPER imperative in my process to getting better, but I feel like I will AGAIN get overlooked and pushed aside, and I’ll be super shitty and IDGAF what insurance says.  I’m also thinking of looking for a new mental health team as I think I have reached the point in my journey that they are no longer helping or hindering me they are just there-like that fucking void.  Maybe I will have them read my blog so they can REALLY see how fucked up I’ve been.  But, AGAIN, I highly doubt it will do shit.  So I’m at the Fuckall state-I seem to be here alot lately, alone with a few of my fellow blogsters and Sassafrains-Love you all <3-and I think we are all just fucking TIRED of this bullshit.  How much LONGER do we have to be shunted aside until we are heard?  Will that be when we attempt again?  Or the next psychotic break or psychosis?!  I’ve about HAD it.  I’ve been in Partial for almost 10 days, and I honestly don’t feel a damn bit better.  I feel the fucking same and some days I feel fucking worse.  Who wants or needs that?!  I just wanna concentrate on things and I want to fucking FEEL again.  I feel nothing.  I fake it ALOT…and even then, it doesn’t fucking matter.