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IMG_7104Toothless, and Mt Dew, and a self explanatory tank top

*DISCLAIMER THIS IS A RANDOM AS FUCK POST*

The appointment with Dr Asshole was actually very nice and he  listened to me and my case manager and my concerns about everything.  I go back to work tomorrow with a 10 pound weight restriction, and I now have to work 2-10 because they did away with weekend-op.  The forgot to tell me that while I was on work comp.  GRRRR.  So, there’s that part.  I go July 7 to have a FCE evaluation for permanent work restrictions-which is a severe possibility because of the lingering pain that now radiates across my collarbone and down to my wrist, along with the numbness in my forearm and thumb and first finger.

I am looking into Pharmacy Tech school because I have decided-along with my Dad’s ‘You need to take care of you and the kids’ realization that I can’t stay in healthcare anymore and maintain my sanity or preserve my body.  15 years and I’m this broke down physically and mentally isn’t worth it anymore.  I got into it for the “right reasons”, but now my kids and my sanity need a healthier me.  Also, it is NOT like my dad to say something that outright about his feelings.  I listen when he says something because it’s not very often, nor is it said with such heartfelt concern.  I love my Daddy ❤

Oh, I have the house to myself this weekend.  Complete silence.  Holy shit.  Just…holy fucking shit.

I purchased the shirt in D’s post here and another one and I’m gonna wear them both proudly.  Thank you D!  And if anyone wants to know where I found it, Fuck you I’m not telling.  Google that shit like I did, fuckers.

Tomorrow I leave my puppy dog alone for about 9 hours and I think I might freak out.  She hasn’t been left alone for more than 2 hours since she’s come here.  I love my dog so much and she’s been a fucking life line since all this shit happened.  I love love LOVE my May Dog. ❤

I’ve been hooked up to my mom’s TENS unit since 3 and it seems to be the only thing that’s helping alleviate the pain.  Although I wish I could go see my PT guy so he can work on the knot on my shoulder blade that’s the size of Texas and Alaska combined.  I had to have Cute Neighbor Guy, or COOOORRRRR as Alf calls him <3, come by and situate one of the electrodes on my shoulder since I couldn’t reach.  We chatted for a little bit and he’s gonna spend time with his oldest daughter next weekend which is cool.  He’s cool, I like him, but I don’t think there’s anything there…he’s too guarded and I’m just not familiar enough yet.  That’s ok.  He’s a friend which is all I need.

I see my new Psych Doc on the 1st.  I’m feeling better too.  I’m out of the haze, and the empty and void feelings I have are less and less.  They’re still there but not as noticeable.

I dream of Florida almost every night.  I couldn’t tell you what happens, I just know he’s there.  I saw a Maserati today on my way to my doc appt and all I could do was laugh out loud when I remembered seeing two when I went down to visit him, and talking about how they don’t have “raggedy cars” like we do up here.  I saw 2 Maserati’s down there and I know I looked like a fool driving by with my mouth hanging open.  He even laughed at me, and I was so warmed by that memory, and I even laughed harder at the memory.

The memories aren’t painful-they never have been.  I am warmed and I smile when I think of the time I spent with him-in person and in digital time.  He really is someone so very special to me, and he always will be.  I wrote him a letter and sent it, no return address from me.  So I don’t know if he will get it or even read it-he hates reading lol-but I had to do it as my way of letting go of alot of the hope I had for him.  I will always want him to be happy.  I hope he wants the same from me.  I can listen to his playlist without crying or getting angry.  It’s just music I very much enjoy that has special meaning to me.  And it always will.

I purchased a real camera for the concert the other week and I got a coupon for 50 free prints, so I have REAL pictures!  I’m sending a sent to BBF, and keeping another for myself.  LMAO there was a HUGE snafu and I actually got 5 sets of prints for free.  Their small printer ran out of ribbon, then it ate two OTHER rolls of ribbon.  And the small printer printed out doubles when I only wanted singles.  Their big printer was all dry and clean so I got those prints as well.  My sis got some LOVELY pics of the kids and my niece-which she loves-and I’m stuck with 1 set of half my pictures I ordered lol.  Fun times at Meijer!  I waited patiently for the employees there-I knew it wasn’t their fault at all.  And I thanked them ever so graciously for the kindness of all the pictures.  I had to go through THREE THOUSAND pictures on my flashdrive-275 pages on the screen.  Worth the wait though. 🙂

I’ve now made fresh sweet iced tea from my tea maker from DB, and I’m going to get ready to take my meds-I missed my afternoon Zoloft dose, so tomorrow it’s Nausea City.  At least I’m prepared for it.  I get to sleep in mom n dad’s bed-WOOHOO!  And I turned the air off in the house because I’m always so fucking cold!  But, I got alot of lights on-6 one way, half a dozen the other.

Still working on Quarantine Diaries.  Not sure if I like the turn it’s taken, so I’ll be reworking before I post again there.

And finally-the hub bearing I JUST replaced on Vivi already went bad, so I had to get the more expensive one-go figure-and have new tires put on.  They were due.  I think 80k miles was enough.  Luckily I was able to warranty them out because I’d kept up with the rotation and balance.  WOO!  Bad news-I need a new CV joint eventually.  Couple hundred bucks.  Let me get through all this shoulder crap before I have to think about THAT.

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