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This happens EVERY MORNING.

I take my bedtime meds-vitamin, Buspar, birth control and sometimes the Klonopin of I’m feeling really edgy-and I go to bed THINKING “Ah!  Peaceful sleep tonight!”  Only to be rudely disturbed by restlessness that allows me to sleep, yet flip like Marlin and Dory on the wooden planks while the sea gulls watch.  AND/OR to be RUDELY awoken between 6-630 EVERY FUCKING MORNING with the brain zaps that make my legs feel they’re running an Iron Man in Hawaii.

FFS meds, REALLY!  I tell my meds,  “I JUST WANT TO SLEEP PEACEFULLY AND FITLESSLY THROUGH THE NIGHT!!  What do we need to do here, guys?”  Yes, picture me with 5 med bottles and a pack of birth control sitting across the table as we convein in mediation without the lawyers and doctors.  

Let me point out that even my dog gets up because of my Iron Man running leg syndrome at night.  And I’m lucky I haven’t kicked Mobkey while I sleep-though she tends to sleep up at the head of the bed, while I migrate south to put my feet between the mattress and footboard.  Don’t make fun-I’ve always slept like this after watching “Ernest Scared Stupid” with the damn bed trolls.  They will come out and drag me off to their Bed Troll Lair and try to make me their slave of back shaving and waxing.  Nothankyou!  Feet do not hang off the bed, but are between footboard and mattress.  Poor May can’t even sleep when I start The Running Man so off to grumbles to the couch-yes she grumbles as she leaves.

I sit and wait patiently while my meds converse together about their side effects and affects and I hear a rattle here and a rattle there as they argue amongst themselves.  The conversation ends, and up waddles the birth control and takes full responsibility of the Iron Man that happens in my bed-because when I miss it, I don’t run in my sleep.  I thank the little blue pack from Mylan and now I must talk to both my psych and ob docs about this.  

Off I go, gathering my maracas of meds and decide to down a klonopin and some Tylenol because my legs are so damn sore from this Running Leg Syndrome, my arms sore like I’ve been swimming (which I can’t do ANYWAY since my shoulder is capoot) and I pray to the med Deities that I can go back to sleep for awhile.  

Because who the fuck wants to be up at 630 on a kid free Saturday morning?!  Sure ass hell not me!