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Sang to the tune of “Pop goes the Weasel”

The title says it all.  I’ve had a quiet week with the rents on vacay in Boise.  I’ve “watched” some movies and a few TV shows, but I can’t stand noise right now.  That’s how I know I’m on a downswing.  I’m sleeping a lot, noise grates my nerves, I have zero attention span.  

It doesn’t help that I’ve had an emotional and trying week physically.  My shoulder hurt so bad on Monday I wanted to cut it off.  It was a 9 out of 10-which speaks loads as I had NSLM naturally and that didn’t hurt NEARLY as bad as my shoulder.  I have a third opinion appointment on Friday about my shoulder-and I had to get my new patient paperwork and my report from my MRI.  But that was a good day Thursday.  I sold my wedding band and earrings for money, and ended up getting myself a new precious and cash.  I promptly spent $35 of stuff for Smores.  I cleaned his cage, and just…no words on that.

I saw Dr Kamal Tuesday-no med changes because he’s leaving Valle Vista.  He said-bless him-thy pissed him off and he resigned three or four days ago.  So when he finds out where his new destination will be, I’ll be following him.  I have so much more confidence in him than my past mental health team.  It never fails that when I find a good mental health team, there’s always something that happens.  Sigh.

Friday was just horrid.  Monkey’s field trip was cancelled due to rain.  She was in a pissy mood when I dropped her off.  I went to the grocery and got Monkey a new hamper for her dirty clothes.  It’s sturdier-canvas-with a big fabric pink owl on it.  Clearance.  I passed on conditioner for myself for her hamper.  I brought everything home and was putting things away and missed a call.  There is a huge issue with the address thing for their school stuff.  I text their dad to let him know I needed him to come with me to school to straighten it out.  He said he can’t just leave work, that if they have proof isn’t a fight for it void.  I was awestruck.  He wouldn’t leave work for my kids and their education.  I said forget it. I’ll take care of it like I always do by myself.  I took off to school to talked to Monkey’s principal.  I understand that he is the messenger and that this is a state law issue about funding.  I told him that with NSLM and my shoulder this is not even a blip on my screen.  My platter is so full right now.  I told him about my shoulder and all that has been going on with that.  He said that we will talk again by next Wednesday about things.  All I could do was cry about everything.  And would you fucking believe the GALL of their dad texting and asking if we could take care of it Monday.  Of all the stupid…

Then I got a call about NSLM and I’m just emotionally spent.  NSLM and I talked about what happened and he knew what he did was wrong but the kid was being a douche and he snapped.  I’m not mad at him, I understand.  I told their dad that after everything he can’t be bothered to do anything for his kids but he can leave work because Diamond can’t walk a block to get meds for her son?  It’s so fucking sad and pathetic.  On top of that I told him thanks for bringing Monkey’s Kindle back like he promised, and the pig is staying here so he can’t kill another one of her pets because he can’t or won’t take care of them.  He said he would be over later to talk about what happened.  I told him if he wasn’t here by 7:30 don’t bother.  He said he’d come over tomorrow.  I was spent by 8 after my emotional day.  Monkey spent the night at Cute Neighbor Guy’s with his girls.  I took double my Klonopin and text BBFL a bit then passed out.
I woke up today with some energy-I made fresh tea and cinnamon rolls and folded the clothes in the dryer.  I wanted to do stuff today but I couldn’t because of their idiotic asshole of a dad.  He didn’t come over until 3:30, and only took the kids to eat then dropped em off and left.  He didn’t even ask about yesterday.  I’m so empty from all of this now, I don’t care anymore.  I gave BBFL permission to unleash hell on him.  He deserves what he gets because he’s reaping what he’s sown. 

I’ve been in bed all day basically.  I have no motivation to do anything.  I feel empty, apathetic, dull, and a little sad.  I’m “listening” to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Now I just had to deal with NSLM putting his hands on Monkey.  I’m just…I’m just done.  I can’t cry and I can’t be mad I can’t be anything.  

I’m just…Sass, floating through right now.

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