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Eludes me tonight.  I’m exhausted, and today is filled with appointments and chores.  And here I am, at 2:30 am wide awake.  Why the fuck am I awake?!  I’ve been waking every 90 minutes-not like me to ever do this-and my belly hurts, I have heartburn, my legs are restless tonight, and my shoulder and arm are on fire.  The pain was a 6 and is creeping towards 7 without doing a god damn thing but lie in this bed.  I’m gritting my teeth-because of the pain and not feeling well-and I can’t take anything to relax, I don’t think.  I’m thirsty, and ever so tired.  My emotional travel weekend has caught up and of course it’s on a day filled with things to do.  That’s one thing I’ve noticed-if I have a few good days in a row, there’s a recovery day looming after them.  My body just cannot handle the regular activity it used to mostly because of my shoulder and some from a mental exhaustion stand point.  Sigh.  Bipolar is an unrelenting beast, the ride you’ll never be able to get off of.  Maybe getting my shoulder fixed by way of lawyers and suing will get shit going in my right direction.  Maybe.  For now, I shall contemplate cutting off my entire right arm and shoulder with a Spork.  Yeah, I hurt.

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