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It’s my biggest downfall.  It’s the one thing that I always hang on too, and it always lets me down.  

See, I have courage to get up and fight when I’ve been beaten down-I have HOPE that it won’t happen again.  I see the world through rose colored glasses in the HOPE I can change the ugliness everyone else sees.  I have fucking HOPE that I’ll be enough as myself for someone to appreciate me and love me.

And every time, HOPE let’s me down.

Turns out, all I am is a pawn in the game of life, and no amount of HOPE or wishing can change the fact I will always be used because of these reasons:

  1. I have a huge heart
  2. I love with my all
  3. I don’t have much, but I have my honesty
  4. I have wisdom beyond my years that people ignore
  5. I am taken advantage of because of my HOPE

And so I am tired of getting my HOPES up when someone comes along and says some really nice things and makes me feel important and wanted and special, only to be disappointed when they go back to what they know.  So maybe I’ll just find a cabin in the woods and live off grid for the rest of my life.

At least that way I can’t depend on anyone but myself, and I can’t get my HOPES up for things I don’t know about.