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Why should someone have to lose 3 people in their life in less than a month?  Why God, WHY?!

After I posted last night, I received a phone call from one of my oldest childhood friends.  He asked if I had talked to his ex-wife, whom I have known since I was Monkey’s age, and I said yeah, we talked earlier today.  He asked how she had sounded and I said she sounded like her.  Why?  *BIG SIGH*  Her girlfriend came home and found her.  All attempts were tried to save her, but she’s gone.  *Stunned Silence*   Are you sure?  Yeah, her dad called him.  Oh God.  He said he will keep me informed when he finds out everything else.

My friend has had a difficult time with addiction, has been hospitalized for suicide attempts, sent to rehab out of state by her then husband.  I found her 3 years ago in the midst of another attempt, called 911 and watched them break down the door.  I went to the hospital and she was fucked up, threatening people, saying shit that had zero beginning or end.  I told her if she didn’t calm down I was going to leave.  And I did.  I had too.  I wasn’t going to stay there and watch that destruction.

That was one of the hardest things to do-walk away when one of your best friends is so irrational, knowing there wasn’t a damn thing I could do.

She had been sober a year.  Her drink of choice was vodka.  I was proud of her, but leery knowing her history.  You could never tell with her, she was that good of an actress from her addiction.

We met in daycare.  She was such a hardass then, but she was taller than the other girls.  I dated my ex-girlfriend who was really good friend with her.  So we reconnected and it was years of fun.  So many inside jokes and stupid things we did.  I was in her wedding, and we were pregnant at the same time.  We craved the same things, had the same complaints-the closest thing to a twin during pregnancy.  Our boys are three months apart and all have names that start with D.  So many times spent laughing until we peed our pants.

Life got to her.  Addiction and depression she could no longer fight.  

I can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.

But I can still love my friend despite her demons.