Today, Dead Poets Society was on. I was only able to watch the first 30 minutes before having to go get Monkey, and with this shitty weather from yesterday I left myself plenty on time to navigate the neighborhood and city streets. Ice, ice baby here in Indy.
It’s always been one of my favorite movies 1) Robin Williams 2) Poetry. I remember when it came out and I SPECIFICALLY looked for O Captain My Captain in my high school library in 9th grade and found it. I just loved the way it flowed from the tongue and the strength it gave me, as I had severe self esteem issues in school.
But today, as I watched and listened I was able to take it in in another way: My Bipolar Disorder 1 and how society makes us try to conform. And how there are people out there willing to show society we are perfectly ok being us in all our fucked up glory.
Now, I’m sure some of you scoff and say, “I’M not fucked up”, and to you I say bullshit. We all have our baggage and quirks and ticks and order in our chaos. And that’s the message I was able to see and GRASP today-that it’s o-fucking-k to be ourselves and NOT be sheeple. “Because that’s baaaaaaaad ” (a-la Mr. Williams) Morgue, toy come up with best ways to describe the situation. Too many sheeple, lots of Shepherds, and not enough of the flock breaking off to be honest with themselves.
And its fucking HARD for US to seize the day when our brains and bodies work against us 75% of the time in one way or another. Those precious 25% times when we CAN seize the day are the times we get looked at for being crazy when in fact we are having good “normie/McMuggle” days.. We are in constant battles-against ourselves to stay sane and baseline, with therapists and doctors to really just fucking listen. Battle after battle after god damned BATTLE against society and their perfect box we don’t fit it.
And that’s fucking A-OK. We need to keep fighting for US, not them. Them who will never understand the struggle to do simplr daily tasks. Those who will never understand the constant out of control rollercoaster we are on daily. They’ll never get it, and some won’t even TRY. That’s on them. We need to stop feeling bad about ourselves when they don’t/won’t listen or try to educate. We can only do so much, and all that much needs to be on US, not THEM.
So fuck the haters, the ignorance and stupidity and FUCKING LIVE THE BEST YOU FUCKING CAN! To those spouses and partners that ride the coaster with us: Fucking Thank You. THANK YOU SO DAMN MUCH. Y’all will never know how much that means to us. To my brothers and sisters in arms of mental/chronic/invisible illnesses: This has been by Far the best therapy I have had, and I have made some badass friends here. Thank you and I love y’all like I love dark chocolate.
CARPE DIEM DAMMIT! (when you feel good enough to do it.)