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I love feeling adored and loved and taken care of by Florida. I love that he does the same with the kids. Last night Monkey couldn’t sleep so she came into my room while we were Skyping and Florida stopped our conversation to talk to her. He didn’t ignore her or make her feel unimportant. She and I started to giggle at him and he said, “Awww! She makes the same face you do!”  Cue blushing that results in hiding in my pillow.

But the nature of the beast is that he has to deal with DB, and all of the emotional bullshit that it entails. And not only that, he challenges me and sometimes it’s infuriating. Because he pushes me, knowing how stubborn I am, and he does it in a loving way, but it’s still blood pressure raising. I love him, but damn some days I wanna do his arms of and beat him about the head and neck.

And it’s hard because we are so similar yet so opposite when it comes to the things that give us passion and drive. He can be very detached and unemotional whereas I’m very emotional and compassionate, and it’s to me detriment, really. But no matter how bad he sees the world, I still see the good in humanity. And I know it will take time for him to process this. He’s young and still yet to live his life. But I know I want to share the rest of my life with him, and for him to be the father to NSLM and Monkey that they deserve, and to have more children with him. And don’t talk me that I’m too old and that he’s too young. If you are, go fuck yourself and get off my blog.

The love we have between each other is out of a book, it’s so surreal. I feel like Claire and that I’ve found my Jamie from “Outlander”. We can’t get enough of each other, and we infuriate each other, but we push each other to be better people. I never thought I could find love like this. Complete and whole.

The Beast is the distance, and learning to change for the better.

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