Did those of you that commented on my post, thank you so much. You all have no idea how much that helped me being to feel again.
What prompted this post was a fight that I had with Florida, about things that are very personal in nature that I will not post here. In essence, I emptied it all out-the elephant in the room, the tiny things, the medium things, the things that I have bitten my tongue on for months because I did not want to be the person that said vile and nasty things just to be a bitch.
And after I did release it all, I didn’t know how much of that I had been keeping inside, filling me with such negativity that nothing really good could be in there. There was no light that I pride myself on having. But also, I had a horrible reaction to the Wellbutrin immediate release I took. I was on it less than a week, and by day 5 I was bawling in the shower thinking of how better off the world and my kids would be if I weren’t here. Thank fucking god i was able to figure out if was the medicine and i managed to keep myself busy over the weekend. However it only enforced the negative inside. The negative was so bad that when Florida and i would talk or text, I found it irritating. I found everything irritating. Fucking meds. Fucking bipolar bullshit. I honestly can not wait to get the results from my genetic testing back so that we can figure this need shit out.
ANYWAY, so yeah, I unloaded my minigun tongue on Florida. And i felt completely void of all emotion. Did it help? Yes and no. Am I better today? Yes. I am ok.
Now I am going to go hook up the TV to my computer so that I can play Eve. Gamer Girl over here deserves to lose herself today as a reward for keeping it all in, having suicidal thoughts, and general adulting.
Thank you to all of my WordPress friends for all of your support. I love you all