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I am depressed. Not just a little, but a great deal. It’s a beautiful and sunny day here, and I found give 4 fucks. Let me explain.

Locked in a iron grip unable to do nothing but stare at blank walls and listen the the wind as it whispers through the emptiness of my brain, gritting my teeth in my own vice grip lock in an effort not to scream and cry and beg “WHY?” What have I done to deserve this punishment to feel beyond numb, beyond nothing. To feel absolutely and utterly blank of it all. The weighed blanket has yet to cover me and drag me down into the darkest parts of the cold sea floor. It is coming, it is always inevitable. The derision seems to be coming more frequently as the manic episodes are increasing as well. I feel nothing be a heaviness and a sadness on my heart, and from where it came, I do not know.

All I know is I fear the fear that breeds the darkness that is trying to devour me. And the worst part of it all??

There’s nothing I can do. Nothing I can do but ride the wave, stay in bed and hope I came make it another day…

Because isn’t that all we ever really have—some kind of hope? No matter how large or small, there’s anyways some form of hope for even the most broken of us… Id like to hope that, at least.

Until then, I am going to hide under my blanket fort and pray the tears come sooner rather than later.. If I were to be so lucky

Sass has no sass today, and I’m worried about myself. (just a couple more weeks guys and I’ll have the results from my genetic testing and see what we can do about meds) So Sass is of too try and sleep…