I have pushed myself beyond my bodily means today and I am fucking exhausted.
From the moment I woke up I have been on the fucking go. I got BOTH kids to school on time, and even for NSLM to school EARLY. Monkey made it on time even with a morning shower. I came back and started laundry, which included picking up ask the clean laundry from LAST week up off of the floor and sorting out into what could be put away with wrinkles and clothes I would strangle myself over if they weren’t throw into the dryer to dewrinkle them. Then I sorted the rest into two piles: blues and jeans and everything else. I started the blues then Shouted the stains in the everything else pile. I put away the clean clothes and found my floor. I hung the blues on the line then went to have lunch with Monkey. Got gas in mom’s truck then came back. I started the everything else pile and started my packing. I helped mom in the garage (she’s got my hypo… At least someone does in this house.) The garage looks amazing so far and I really can’t wait to see how it turns out once it’s completely finished. Go mom. I took the blues off the line and hung up the others. Went to get my heathens. Stopped and got eggs (WE WERE OUT OF EGGS!! The horror! The horror!) Took NSLM and Monkey to the gas station then meandered our way back to the house.
I was such a horrible mom, making my kids clean up their messes. Wtf am I thinking, not catering to my children, some will say. (Entire other post) I took the other clothes off the line and fluffed them in the dryer, or away the clothes line (HA says no permanent outside fixtures, but some mother fuckers have an in ground pool across the way) so dad could mow. Made NSLM pick up dog bombs and I started dinner. While STILL packing. I took me about three hours to pack completely. Monkey used the vacuum all by herself-so damn proud of her!-and day at the table doing mad libs. Dinner finished, everyone was feed and I cleaned up the kitchen and made more tea. I managed to get the heathens in bed relatively easily for once (who knew work would make one tired?!) I had to lay into NSLM after dinner for his rudeness and attitude and Mr mom was like no no no. And I liked at her and I put my hand up and said no, I’m handling this. And since I did, he’s been less assholey. See what happens when a parent can parent?! The disrespect goes away (for now, and it’s a small victory in the war I’m waging).
I’m looking forward to a week away because it is much fucking needed, as well as seeing by psych doc tomorrow. I need a good damned break from this love here, and hopefully it will give me a renewed sense of purpose and drive when i fine back. (probably not. I’ll whine about how I need to be there instead of here. Truth)
It’s 1105pm est and it feels like 3 am. This is one exhausted momma. Maybe I’ll get to sleep in the plane Wednesday. Probally not.
(For those that wonder and area going to ask and i don’t feel like answering the same thing over and over: I am in the midst of the longest depression I’ve ever had the pleasure of getting to know. Suicidal Ideation was been rampant through my head, and I’m not one that get that way. So it’s easier to put on the face and act. I do it so much better than the Kardashians because nothing is scripted or edited. This is real Bipolar life at its finest *aka worst*
This Sass is ready for bed. Peace to my Sassafrains ✌️✌️✌️