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Yesterday WordPress kindly informed me that I’ve been blogging for 2 years. Fuck, it’s been a rough and long two years. And E over at That’s What Anxious Mom Said  did a post  about blogging constipation  and asked how many trashed blogs to posted blogs ratio did one have. And I can tell you I’ve had only 3 that were never published. EVER. Out of the 300+ posts (that includes reposts) I only trashed 3 blog posts.  (According to my recent stats I have almost 400 posts now.)

Those were trashed because one was needed just as a random scratch paper/journal/write it down post. The other two ended up being forgotten and no longer relevant to what I wanted to post in the first place. So THEN that got me thinking about all the “followers” I have (262) and how many of them I follow back and who really read my posts and comment. And let’s face it. Out of 262, there’s truly only a handful that read, like and comment on my posts. I want to say THANK YOU to those of you that really know me, comment and like my pointless blog.

I started this blog as a way to rant and vent after my marriage fell apart and I couldn’t see Jane. What have I gained from this experience?  That my marriage was never a real marriage in the first place. That the man I thought I knew I never did, and cheated our entire relationship. That I am so much better off and stronger than I was 2 years ago when I would cry myself to sleep and ask what I did to deserve this. And that answer is: I didn’t do anything to deserve it. What I DID deserve was to be tested beyond measure, a measure that most McMuggles or “normies” could NEVER handle, because they can’t ever adapt like someone with a mental affliction or chronic affliction can. Because we know our limits and still push ourselves because there are others counting on us-like our kids and/or spouses.

I’ve learned that I’m a Phoenix and I rise from the ashes again and again after every test I’m given, well, that is thrown at me by a major league pitcher. I’ve learned that what stock I put into my sham of a marriage I never should have done. I started to put that stock in something more important: myself. And when I did that, I grew in ways I never knew I could, and I found a love that I never knew I was capable of having, or believed I deserved. I’ve learned that it’s ok to have those really shitty days and it’s ok to allow myself to wallow in that, but not stay there. I’ve learned life really is fleeting and no amount of denial or pleading will keep a person here on earth when it’s their time to go. I’ve experienced the death of my oldest, closest and best friend of almost 30 years, the loss of a family member who had a substance abuse problem but finally got sober only for his heart to finally give way, and the sweet goodbye of a dearly loved grandparent in law who loved me like his own. I am going through tough times with work, but that even when I think I’m down, there’s always another road out there.

Most of all, I’ve made some amazing friends through WordPress that I wish I could take with me on a vacation so we can all sit around and talk about our issues without judgement and drink until we pass out, then wake up and talk about all the things we love and hate that have nothing to do with issues but life.

Most of all, I just want to REALLY thank those of you follow, read, like and comment on my posts, because sometimes those are the only times I can communicate with the outside world.  Morgue, Leslie, Sarah, Tessa, Pieces, Blah, E, Diane, Beeps,  DM, Vic and Chris. Thank you to those that like my posts but don’t comment.  It means a lot that my posts garner a like from so many.

E, I’ll have to do a search terms post because I found one that is fucking HILARIOUS!

That’s all I’ve got for now. I’m always tired lately from my meds. Adding new meds when one’s body hasn’t fully adjusted to the others sucks ass.  Ta-Ta for now my lovelies!

All my love-