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These past months have been so very hard on me, and for me.  Today, I watched as someone I truly care for in ways I never knew I could, pack up and leave on a journey that is much needed for them.  And it fucking sucked to do it.  I helped finish the packing by labeling cords and putting them in Ziploc baggies, then arranged the electronics in a box so that they would all fit.  The time came for them to leave, and with sweaty kisses and hugs, bid farewell until we meet again.

I imposed a 2 week no-contact order, not because I need time for myself, but because they need to know that the path they chose means to come face to face with the demons and decions of the past.  And that can’t happen while talking to me, because it means delaying the inevitable.  That was even harder to do.  Because I wish someone had done that with me, to me, and I honestly don’t think I would have done 3/4 of the shit I did had that conversation took place.  Hindsight.

So now while they are taking a much needed spiritual, emotional and mental journey in their life to move forward in a positive way, I am here alone.  Don’t take it the wrong way, I am okay being alone.  I am in the quiet of these living quarters that aren’t really home, and I have the chance to finally hear my thoughts…which may be a bad thing once or twice this upcoming week alone.  At least I can make peace with them in silence that had been needed…but at the cost of something that means the world to me.  Letting go is always hard thing to do…but letting go of someone because they need to travel a path in order to grow is harder-especially when they say the grass is dead on the other side.

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