I hurt today.
My shoulder hurts from the cortisone shot. My poor shoulder has taken a beating between the MRI Monday and the doctor yesterday. I have more movement which is a HUGE improvement. I have tendonitis, a bone spur and a POSSIBLE tiny tear, but there’s no way to tell unless the doc goes in to scope my shoulder. He wants to leave that as a last option. He would rather rule out a neck injury before surgery. I don’t blame him. That’s invasive shit. So I lost a handful of sporks there with the shit. It hurt like a mother fucker-I cried. I don’t think talking to Florida helped, either.
As for Florida, I’ve let go. Only I still feel him with me, as if he can’t let ME go. Even now as I sit on the patio enjoying the beautiful weather he’s here. Protecting me. From what, I have no idea. I keep asking him to let me go, and then he tightens the grip he has on me. It hurts. Emotionally and physically-like a vise gripping my wrist. I hear him pleading, “Please, please, please!” Repeatedly. I keep repeating “Let me go. Please, let me go. I can’t, I can’t!”
The grip tightens and he tries to pull me closer as I pull away.
I don’t understand. How can I have this profound connection with this one person??
It hurts. All of it hurts. My shoulder, my back, my heart, my soul…just make it stop.
Please, just make it stop.