I am on my way to Florida for a week. A FUCKING WEEK! No kids, no parental bullshit (I love my parents, don’t get my wrong), no emotional triggers to weigh me down. No more people making me feel like shit with their unintentional words (but really they area intentional).
I so need this. I SO need a break from my life, from all the fucked up emotional drama going on in my head. I left it in Indiana, because it’ll be there when I get back. It always is. Even more so after yesterday.
I saw the work comp dr which is a chiropractor (who cares, he’s an unbiased individual) and he examined me and he thinks that I have damaged my brachial nerve that runs from my neck under my collar bone and down my arm. He said on top of that because they had to shave off a centimeter of my collar bone it throws me into the disability category. I’m not one who has looked for reasons NOT to work, even at my worst. But the way this Dr explained things is that I need to have more in depth examination of my nerves and if that’s the case, I bet you I’ll be getting WAY more compensation for my injury. And if THAT’S the case, I’m gonna go after the OTHER Dr that dismissed me and my injury. It should NOT matter if I am a work comp patient or a private pay patient. I am to be treated with respect and dignity and not made to feel like my injury is sub par. Fuck that cocksuckingmotherfucker. Douche bag.
Also, I saw the new psych doc and would you believe he said I don’t have Bipolar, just a mood disregulation disorder?! Um..ISN’T THAT WHAT BIPOLAR IS?! He completely dismissed my persistent depression, which is NOT like me, and said I don’t need a mood stabilizer. I was like, WTF?! I cycle into depression twice a year and the fact I cycled early AND it’s sticking around is a red flag. PLUS I cycle into mania at least 5-6 times a year, not including hypomania. That mother fucker never read my file OBVIOUSLY and THAT shit pisses me off. So I’m back on the Klonopin 2x daily (because it’s ‘normal’ for me to have anxiety) as well as increased my Wellbutrin to 2x daily and humored me with a new need that’s like Abilify but without the weight gain. So I took it, and it made me SO fucking tired AND all I wanted to do was eat. WTAF! Then I took my Zofran and evening klonopin and I passed out before 8pm and slept until 624 this morning. Straight through! I became lucid enough last night to keep myself from varmitting all over. Yeah, I’m SO not taking that med. One dose and with my other meds that happens? Fuck. That. Oh, and the doc said I metabolize everything normally. Ok, then why the fuck do I get such awful and weird side effects? No idea. I’m beginning to think I might be med resistant as well as med sensitive. My med resistant friends can you give me your opinions please?
The best part of yesterday, I passed the oral interview process and I am going to do the typing portion of the application and interview process for the 911 dispatcher position at my local County sheriff’s department. Each time I do the next step I don’t think I’ll make it, and every time I am surprised by my self.
I’m somewhere over Georgia as I peck this out and will post as soon as wifi is available. I can not wait to spend a week with Florida IN Florida. It’s much needed.
PS, My fucking ass hurts sitting in this “cushioned” seat, which really feels like a stack of cardboard wrapped in duct tape.